When I got into a dysfunctional relationship with a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) I had hardly heard of the term. What followed was an extremely rocky ride: of figuring out that something was not just off but “really off”, slowly coming to understand what NPD is and actually looks like, how it shows up in a person, what it was doing to me as a victim and to our family, and what possible causes are. Also, I soon came to feel the isolation that comes with being in an abusive relationship. Turned out I am not the only one who was unfamiliar with the disorder. Very few – and then all professionals with an expertise in narcissism or people who had gone through the same – could look through the mask my partner had so neatly developed; could see the horror underneath and how it was affecting our family. I felt extremely unprotected and often did not know who to talk to or what to say.

It also meant the beginnings of a journey into my own past, revolving around the question: “how on earth did this happen? How did I end up in this relationship?” This only seemed a healthy question to ask after having processed the massive anger and grief that comes with narcissistic abuse. Yet, you will read about this here, too.

This website is meant for everyone: to learn about the disorder and what living with a person who has NPD feels like. It is meant for people who are in the stage of wondering if something’s off in their relationship. Maybe friends or family of someone who is suffering in an abusive relationship want to read about it. It is – admittedly – also therapy for me. A way to channel my story, my pain, into something that I hope may be useful for others.